Parenting

Обида, разочарование, осознание

Who will educate whom?

Conventional recommendation 1.

Let’s consider a typical situation when a child wants a toy, but for some reason can’t have it. He starts crying and gets the desired toy immediately. Thus, parents encourage the child to be naughty and cranky. A lot of people would be puzzled by such a conclusion because this is a way loving parents normally react to their child crying. For better understanding,  let us have a look at a more critical situation, differing from the previous one in the intensity. The child wants a toy. You say no. Then he falls on the floor and bursts into hysterics. If you do what he wants, what would be the result?

The answer is easy: the child is trained to use this successful manner of getting what he wants and will practice it in the future.

Needless to say, this is the road to negative character traits. When your child is crying, the first thing you need to do is ask yourself, if he really needs anything or is just acting on a whim. In case there is a real need( for example, the child is hungry), you should definitely satisfy it. If he is just acting up and seeking attention, probably you’d better ignore it.

Conventional recommendation 2.

Now let’s consider the child’s achievements, such as his first steps or words. If you just take a note of it to yourself and go ahead with your daily routine, it would be a bad mistake. Be generous with your compliments and praise. Time and again, remind him about his little achievements, then the child will aspire to new heights. His ability and willingness to be successful are now being formed by your reaction.

Conventional recommendation 3.

Should you punish a troubled, unruly child? At first, you should try explaining how undesirable his behavior is. In case it doesn’t help, you should restrict pleasures and amusements. If this doesn’t work, you have to punish him.

If you punish the child for misbehavior, don’t forget to praise him for good deeds. All these combined must change the situation and the child will behave well. 

These are the tips for parenting until you are aware of the primary importance of the Basic Law of subtle energy exchange.  The law doesn’t dismiss these tips, it opens a new dimension of raising the child, as it focuses on the subtle energy flows.

The crucial task in bringing up a child is to make the ascending pattern of energy flow his leading pattern of energy exchange.

The majority of people use both patterns of energy exchange in their lives. For some of them, the ascending pattern is dominant and they follow the way of spiritual growth, while others stick to the descending pattern, which leads to spiritual degradation.

 The child has to adjust to his parents. He is born with his own inclinations, but communicating with parents undoubtedly shapes his identity and energy exchange patterns. Right after his birth, the child enjoys the energy inflow from his parents and grandparents. He is the center of attention. This is the ascending pattern. In the course of life, the energy inflow becomes less intensive. The child starts experimenting with attracting energy. Of course, he does unconsciously; he is just looking for love like a flower seeks the sunshine.  This is the moment when the most important character trait is formed, the dominant pattern of energy exchange.  

‘If you are genuinely interested in giving your children a good upbringing, you should first transform yourself into a peaceful and loving human being.  When a child enters your house, it is not the time to become a teacher, it is time to learn,’ Sadhguru

‘If a child has behavioral problems, first of all, treatment should be offered to his parents,’ Agniya Barto 

Subtle recommendation 1. How will the recommendation to ignore the child crying be transformed, when we realize the primary importance of the Basic Law of subtle energy exchange?

Firstly, we will focus on the inner state of the parent, rather than the act of ignoring.

If you did the right thing and ignored the child’s whim, but inside still feel resentful, this is the descending pattern of nourishing your child with subtle energy.

The child receives from you the love energy inflow and will definitely indulge in his whims more and more.

ругаем

Thus, not giving him the toy is not enough. It is imperative that you should feel love, not resentment. You will say it’s totally against your nature, and you are right.

Realizing the Basic Law of subtle energy exchange implies that in your everyday life and communication with others around half of all your natural reactions should be replaced by exactly the opposite ones. In this very case, such replacement plays a crucial role.

If parents fail to stick to love vibrations, when their child is behaving badly, they should better punish the child in order to release from yourself the tension of resentment. But punishment in anger is the direct way to form the descending pattern of energy exchange.

гнев, обида

However, accumulating a huge potential of resentment and indignation towards the child is sure to produce a powerful descending energy flow. Choose the lesser of two evils, the punishment. Ideally, parenting should be only through love.

How can you stick to love vibrations in practice, when your child is misbehaving? You should always focus on the subtle energy flow, and you will not take the child’s whims as a signal for satisfying them. It’s primarily a personal challenge for the parent to redirect the subtle energy flows in the right direction.

Ребенок в семье, воспитание

If you really love your child, for his sake you will manage to stick to the proper state of mind. This can be done through a variety of ways, for example focusing on how great your child is or what an amazing parent you are. When you are experiencing love, all your actions will benefit your child. Sharing love in response to his whims, you are not amplifying them, you are actually eradicating them at the subtle energy level (for more details, see ACCEPTANCE OF A NEGATIVE WITH LOVE).

ругаем1

Subtle recommendation 2. How will the recommendation to be generous with praises change, when we realize the primary importance of the fundamental law of subtle energy exchange?

Here the focus will also shift from actions to your state of mind. Children do not care about words too much but are extremely sensitive to their parents’ love. Feeling loved is primary here, and words are secondary.

Insincere praise is likely to have an opposite effect. On the other hand, sending love to the child, when he is behaving well, will result in forming an ascending energy exchange flow even without words.

Subtle recommendation 3. How will the recommendation on bringing up a difficult, unruly child be transformed?

What is the difference between a trouble-maker and underachiever, who skips classes, and the best student?

Above all things, it’s the dominant pattern of subtle energy exchange.  The first one receives it through negativity, whereas the second one does it through positivity. Replacing the dominant pattern by the opposite one (just like any other habit) is much more difficult than forming a new one. If a powerful descending pattern of energy exchange is deeply engrained, strong and decisive actions are needed to transform the situation. It’s a serious challenge for the parents. At first, they should stop contributing to the descending flow. In other words, they need to stop reacting in resentment to their child’s actions, because resentment and indignation enhance negativity at the subtle energy level.

‘If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging,’ Will Rodgers.

Lecturing and moralizing, as a rule, have the opposite effect. The fact of the matter is, it’s hardly possible to scold the child, sticking to love vibrations. As a result, you will be contributing your energy to his negative actions. Should corporal punishment and restrictions be used? This is not a primary question. They can be efficient, but will most likely make things worse.

Can you experience love when punishing your child physically? If you can’t do it, if punishment is just a way to express your anger, you are sure to get the opposite effect. With this punishment, the child receives a powerful love inflow from you. Almost certainly, he will unconsciously tend to trigger the situations, where you punish and scold him.

Moreover, children copy their parents, and soon he will use physical force if something is not to his liking.

In case the punishment is inevitable, it is critically important to stick to love vibes when you punish the child.

It looks like a dead end. Whatever you do will only bring about a negative effect.

Трудный подросток, исправление, воспитание

How can we alter the dynamic and put the child back to the road of positive development?

Apparently, the reason behind the child’s misbehavior is primarily his way of receiving love from you, his nearest and dearest.  It’s important that next time he behaves badly, he doesn’t receive your subtle energy.

       PARADOX: 

To transform a child’s behavior, in the majority of cases it is crucial to transform his PARENTS’ reactions to his actions!

This is a serious spiritual challenge for the parents.God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear’. All the more so, because there is no other alternative. In practice, this can be done in the following way. When you get to know about your child’s misconduct, focus on yourself, recall your life achievements, moments of love, and happiness. Enjoy the moment, the problems you are facing. For the sake of your child, you will be able to cultivate the right state of mind and soul.

If you believe in God, ask Him for the ability to stick to love vibes any time when you communicate with your child, especially when he does wrong.

Your love can be directed towards you or your child. Imagine that your child changes for the better, think of his achievements and positive deeds.

Only after you anchor this feeling of love, you can communicate with the child. After this, it doesn’t matter much if you talk to him or punish him. In the state of love, all your actions will benefit your child (for more details, see ACCEPTANCE OF A NEGATIVE WITH LOVE).

Love destroys all negative manifestations, it de-energizes the descending pattern of energy exchange.

It’s a transformational change, freedom from the deeply-rooted relationship pattern. It’s extremely important to be sending love to the child whenever he does anything positive, no matter how minor it is.  The child will have to modify his behavior, he will stop ‘fishing in the river where there is no fish any more’.  Make an effort and stick to the love vibes for at least a month, then dramatic changes for the better will be inevitable. It’s a bad mistake to try changing your child through violence and scolding. According to the fundamental law, you will get the opposite result.

But you can de-energize your child’s negative acts by transforming the way you react to them!

This is a very efficient parenting approach even in the most difficult cases. The more negativity you get, the more you should stick to the vibration of love when communicating with the child.

To sum up, informing the ascending pattern of energy exchange in a child, his parents’ state of mind and soul is much more important than their actions.

By Evgeny Kitanin

 

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